Friday, December 25, 2009

Today, I hate distrust.

And there we were, awkwardly beginning something new. Just friends was no longer fine with us.
"Maybe I'll just jump off this building right now!" "Then I'd jump off and catch you." "Maybe I'd run away and find someone new!" "Then I'd wish you're happy." "Maybe I won't forgive you." "Then I won't forgive myself."
It rains a lot this time of year.
My heart is ugly but it could be yours.
I'm far from what I once was but not yet what I am going to be.

Don't take my advice, you never wanted the nice boys anyways.
I have a soft spot for you, boy. I think about you more than I'd like to admit. You've made me cry just as much as you've made me smile. As I write this, a pressure forms in my chest. I miss you. I need you. I love you. I want you, I want you so badly. And I hope with all I have, you have a soft spot for me too.
We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
You always fold just before you're found out. **
Where are you? And, I'm sorry. I cannot sleep. I cannot dream tonight.
Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head.
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight? They're wrong. They lied.
I need someone to hold me. I need someone to want to hold me.
We can live like Jack and Sally.
The way he makes me smile before I can wring my hands around his neck.
I loved you even when you weren't around. Doesn't that count for something?
I remember asking you if you were affectionate. Haha. What a stupid question...
And that's about the time she walked away from me.
This 10AM cup of coffee has me feeling sophisticated. And, well, almost as if I don't need you but, I swear, I do.
Forgive me for liking you too much, I'll forgive you for not liking me enough. forgive me for the loud racing of my heart, i'll forgive you for not hearing it. forgive me for finding you amazing i'll forgive you for never doing the same. forgive me for wanting to be with you more than anything, i'll forgive you for avoiding me. forgive me for being so pathetic, i'll forgive you for taking advantage of it. forgive me for not being able to let go, i'll forgive you for never holding on .

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